I am ambiamorous, but whether I’m functioning as poly or mono I like the idea of a primary/anchor relationship and actively building a life with someone.
Emotions and Resources
My preferred dynamic would include a primary emotional relationship with someone I can confidently build a life with. I want to embrace the wholeness of my partner, and also feel like I have a dynamic I both want and understand with the most important person in my life. I want to feel safe to build a life with someone and know that they also want that life, and they will stick around and nurture it. I like having a partner like that… someone who is my most important person, and I’d like to be that to them as well. “Hey, we do this life thing well. Let’s build a life together and not be everything to each other, but let’s still be a damn lot to each other, and let’s build this with indefinite intent”.
I’d like to understand the landscape for longevity, resources, intentions, stability, sexuality, living situation, commitment, and expectations. I’m open to having both parts of a duplex, with internal access between the units, but I’d probably prefer a shared single house with two master bedrooms. There would be a level of commitment that we can lean into and count on as we make choices to build a life together, with the hope of longevity, and perhaps even the rest of life. It doesn’t need to be marriage, but that’s the level of commitment I’d bring to this.
I’d invite them to be in my art, or at least celebrate it with me. I’ll celebrate the things that make them “them” as well. I want to be with some who is their own whole human, even as I show up as my own version of the same.
I want to invest in each other, in well-being, in passions, in self-improvement, in our social circles, in work, and in health. I want a healthy interdependence, but not codependence.
I desire that they challenge me with integrity, calling me out whenever they need to, introducing new experiences and thoughts, helping me be a better and more-rounded person. I’ll do the same for them. Let’s take input with grace and a loving spirit. We aren’t attacking each other; we’re trying to have the best lives possible.
Sexuality and Poly
I don’t need to be my partner’s only partner, nor their only male partner, but I’d like to have a dynamic where other partner interactions are done responsibly, honestly, and safely, where we have a healthy and somewhat regular sexual dynamic, and where with this main partner I don’t have to use protection.
I have gone from being historically uncomfortable with my partner sleeping with other men, to acceptance, to active support, and then to being quite turned on by it, especially if I’m sharing the moment, and as we ourselves have our own active sexual dynamic. I want to foster spark and playfulness with my partner, and be a part of her sexuality during times when she’s sexually active.
In poly, I understand I won’t be present for a good amount of her interactions, but if sex or group stuff or deviance explorations are an active part of my partner’s life, I’d like to also be a regular part of such.
If my partner has other people in their world in healthy ways, I will support them; if I have other people, I’d want them to please support me too. I’d like to get along with the other partners and be friends, or at least friendly. I don’t want antagonistic elements towards or from my metas, as much as is possible.
I want to be enough of a scheduling priority that I feel actively sought and desired, and that I don’t feel like I’m on the outside of my own relationship. I want to touch and be touched. I want to express affection and receive affection.
I understand that there are times and circumstances where sexual interest will pause, and I accept that. I desire to support my partner during these times, or be supported, and commit to finding the spark again when the timing is possible.
Compersion
My ability to experience compersion has increased massively, and compersion is what I want as a major driver for my life. I want good things for people in my life. I want to be part of what I can, and otherwise, I still want all the best things for them. This includes romantic feelings, physical actions, support, life experiences, and more.
I seek the security in knowing that I’m on the same page with someone that I’m building a connected future with. If we aren’t on the same page about the future then that’s okay too and I will cheer you on, but it will influence how we navigate the future.
As I experience challenges, I want to grow through them in confidence, support, and acceptance. I might stumble, but I will always keep going and I will always grow.
Life and Communication
I want to travel with my partner and see the world. Soon I’m hoping to be financially independent. I want to share my gains with my circle, but specifically with my person. I will not be used, but anyone who I choose to be with will also not use me. That said, them not choosing to improve their life through my resources is not what I want at all. If they are improving my quality of life by being my partner, I want to be able to improve their quality of life as well, as a team, with whatever resources I have.
I want good and open communication. I want to be able to talk about pretty much anything. I want to know how their night went, who they got to spend time with, who they’re actively involved with sexually or emotionally, or whether they are presently interested in sexuality at all. I don’t need details, or each-time updates, but I’d like to be aware in broad strokes; I don’t like having to guess about who is in my extended polycule, or in what ways. I want someone who wants to know my life in these ways as well, as mutual witnesses and support.
I want someone who honors what they say to me, and I will do the same. They can count on me; I’ll count on them. They can lean on me, I’ll lean on them. I don’t want them to try to spare my feelings by shielding me from their reality; let me in and let’s tackle life as a team. Life will throw curveballs, and we will adapt. Let’s do our best to communicate whatever we need to: changes in plans, new emotions, life developments. We need to flex and flow with these changes, while honoring each other.
Understanding and Embracing Me
I’m wired a little differently in how I communicate and I’m learning to navigate a late-stage realization of probable neurodivergence. I want to be with someone who will learn how I tick, how to work with me both within and through that, and give me grace to grow as I make adjustments to my life with this knowledge. I want to be with someone who seeks clarity with me or has fun with me if I take the long way to get to a point, but without fighting about that journey, and I don’t want to feel like I’m annoying them if it inevitably or occasionally happens. I’m committed to learning, and I don’t like fighting. This is who I am and while I’ll do my best, I want to be with someone who can walk with me in this.
They would understand that living in anxious mystery is hard for me. I’d ask them to please give me context as they can, or disclosures, or news as appropriate. Having to guess about things that matter to me increases my anxiety, and I’d prefer not to live in that state.
To be whole and to be with someone who is whole, to move forward together in companionship, strength, intimacy, and love… celebrating each other in our growth, excitement, and evolution… this is something I desire.